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I was thinking about how public school teachers and parents of special needs children are like groups from different planets.  Their perspectives are vastly different.  Neither are correct and neither are wrong.  The problem lies in the solution.  So here are some of the perspectives - I'll be adding to them and you can give me more ideas. Parent Perspective

• My child is not getting the help he/she really needs to learn
• I want teachers and aides to use [insert name of methodology] with my child in the classroom
• The school system doesn't seem to be set up to actually work for kids.  On the one hand there is the teacher unions that keep teachers from putting extra hours.  Another hand has the federal IDEA law which has mandates but no funding.  Another hand has the Teacher Standards and Practice Commission (TSPC) giving teachers licenses without any real knowledge in scientifically validated methods of teaching and even classroom management (see Direct Instruction and even Postive Behavior Supports). And another hand that pits parents of regular children against the parents of special needs children.  This monster has too many hands!
• Exploratory what?  Discovery eh?  Fuzzy math?  I don't care what you call it, I just need it to work.  My child needs to learn to communicate, use the potty, let me go shopping and eat at a restaurant once in a while. I just need teachers to use methods that give great results, not OK results, or heaven forbid make matters worse by reinforcing or teaching my child bad habits or methods of communication.

Teacher Perspective

• Wow, too many kids
• Can't keep up with standardized tests
• I probably have to spend my own time aligning the tests with the textbook/curriculum the school or district adopted
• I have no training in special needs
• I have limited training in special needs
• The special ed teacher is supposed to support me and the special needs student but has a huge caseload
• I never really got very good instruction on how to manage a classroom, let alone a classroom with many children with behavioral and/or emotional needs
• The parents want too much from the teacher
• Teacher's really don't have the time to learn how to work with special needs students.  We barely have time to create/manage curriculum, grade papers, help with fundraisers, and have a life outside of our profession
• The principal, school, district, state, and/or federal government limit my methodologies and curriculum choice
• I've never heard of Direct Instruction or Project Follow Through
• What is Applied Behavior Analysis?

An idea of how to meld the two - use science!Parents: 

• Parents: Give the teacher a break.  Always use positive language and tell him/her you understand (lack of time, difficulty, rules, etc)
• Parents: Stick to your guns on requests but do so in a tackful way.  Ensure you are requesting methods or curriculum that have scientific validation, especially ones that your can point to that are published and peer reviewed.

Teachers:

• Give the parent a break.  Step outside of your role as teacher (all the work dumped on you, the school, district, state, federal rules, parents that have been rude or horrible toward you).  Try to see the parent's request from the eyes of the parent.  
• Ensure the request has scientific validation.  You might have to lookup the claims yourself and make copies of any research the show proof of or against the request.  Stick up for the request with your administration if there is scientific evidence supporting it.